Still Here...

I've took a break from the blogging...actually forgot it existed for quite sometime.

I'm doing well enough.  Of course, I'm sad that we will never have a biological child, but I mostly try not to think about it.  I might think about it a couple times a week, so not too bad!  I'm over Thailand adoption, I believe.  Our state has a very nice infant program for people under 40, without children, so we are on the "waiting list"...that's what they call it, but really it's the waiting list to get on the waiting list!  Haha.  So maybe we will get on the real waiting list next year!  I'm excited...not sure how hubs feels.  I think he's just tired of baby talk, so he's not too interested right now.  Not like he says no we can't adopt, just I don't want to talk about it for a while.  He knows we are on the list, and there is no obligation at this point.  I feel very confident he will come around in due time.

It is very nice to be done with IVF, very nice, indeed!  It's nice to have an end, even if it's not the end I pictured.  At my WTF appt., doc said it must be my embryos b/c he can't see any other reason that I am not pregnant by now.  That, even though the embryos look good, they may not be in actuality, and if we ever do go back to IVF, he suggests CGH.  Part of me believes him...he's highly regarded, been an RE for 30+ years, so he knows his stuff; certainly better than I do.  Part of me just can't believe it's the embryos though.  I am 27, my husband 30, so how could it be our embryos!  I still sorta think it's my uterus, but he says there is not reason I can't get pregnant with a unicornuate.  It just seems crazy to me that every step of the way there is a new bump.  The reason this all started is because of a hydrosalpinx.  If it weren't for that I should have been able to get pregnant naturally (even with unicornuate).  So i take care of the hydro....uterus should have been the only roadblock at this point.  1 IVF and 2 FETs later, still not pregnant.  Dr S. convinces me it's my lining and NK cells...so i go with that, we fix those problems....1 IVF and 1 FET later, and now it's my embryos that are the issue!  How many problems can one person have!  Whatever.  No need to analyse.

Negative

Well, that's it for me and ivf...at least for a while. Now, I've got my mind on Thai adoption. I'm gonna think it through for a while then probably get the ball rolling. It will take approx 3 years for the whole Thai adoption, so it'll still be a good while, but I'm excited!

5th Transfer Complete

Just got back from my transfer. It went so much better than last time. Last time they filled my bladder to where I thougt I would die. This time they emptied me quite a bit from where I overfilled myself...I wasn't uncomfortable at all this time. Good news is, we were able to transfer 2. Bad news is, they were the only 2 (of 4) to survive thaw. No matter what result I get on pg test, this is my last transfer for at least 2 years...maybe ever who knows. Pg test isn't until 7/5!! 13dp5dt...whaaa, last time I had my beta on 10dp5dt. Side note, I'm on my iPad so my writing is probably lacking, and I cant do paragraphs on here.

Quick Update

Going in for my transfer today! Heading back home tomorrow! Lining was 9mm as of Sunday, so clearly either Via.gra or delestrogen works...last fet lining couldn't past 7.2mm. This new doc really knows what he is doing!

Catching up!

Wow, I haven't blogged in forever!

 I started my meds for fet a few weeks ago. Heading to ny for intralipids on the 12th, then off to Vegas next Sunday (17th). I'm excited and nervous, as usual.

We have four frozen blasts, will be transferring two! I think my beta pg test will be around July 2...just realized that is less than a month away!

There have been a lot of bfps in blogger land lately! I'm so happy that some of these women who have been trying 8, 10, 12 years are finally getting their good news! Maaaaaybe, I'll finally have a good update soon. I'm pretty sure I have never had a positive blog post.

My hours were cut at work from 25 hours per week to....5 hours per week. Barely even worth the effort, but I am honestly not very upset. I went grocery shopping, made tons of phone calls about meds etc, made a cheesecake, did some cleaning, reading, watched breaking dawn...it has been a nice week! About the meds phone calls, I have realized you just can't trust anything to do w insurance. First, we had all of those issues where they tried to take 7k of my 15k lifetime max, which thankfully we worked out; after like 8 months of phone calls. Now, when I tried to get my Lupron, first they say $325, I always pay $17...next time I talk to the pharm, it's $125....I get a letter from ins saying it is only covered for endo, uterine something, and....female infertility....umm hello, first of all I've been on this now 5 times for $17, and if I don't have female infertility, no one does! Anyway, I got it worked out, but it's just the point that I have to watch them! Also, Vi.agra in feb cost $280 for 40 suppositories, in may I got 56 for $90...I'm in the process of appealing this, so we will see. Point is, be careful w your insurance!

I'll probably update more once I'm in Vegas, and things are actually going on....I'll at least update WHEN I get my bfp in July!

Interesting tid-bit:  I am having my transfer 6/22, the same exact day I had a transfer last year....Let's just assume that is some sort of good sign...obviously grasping for straws here!  lol

FET Consult

I had my FET consult yesterday. Doctor says that it was 50/50 chance of getting pregnant with one blastocyst, and he believes I will get pregnant with one of these 4 frozens I have. The current plan (once again) is to do 2 blastocysts this time...hubby is still not 100% on board with this, but I will work on him through the coming months. We'll see if my doctor changes his mind last minute again about transferring two.

I will be getting my intralipid infusion this time, just in case that is the reason I'm not pregnant yet. I will have to go to vegas 2 days early. Then if I am pregnant, I will have to drive to my doctors PA clinic to get my second and final infusion. How obnoxious that I have to do all of this to get some intralipid, but if that is what helps to get my pregnant, I will glady put in the effort.

It is unbelieveable how much effort having a baby has taken. I just thank goodness that we've had insurance this whole time. We may have enough to cover this frozen transfer too! So even though we've been incredibly unlucky, we've been really lucky too and I'm so thankful for that!

FET #3

Time to start planning fet #3. We will probably transfer around July.

Now I just have to decide on one or two embryos...husband thinks we should only transfer one. Im not sure what I think quite yet.

7 Days Past 5 Day Transfer

Negative HPT this morning... I am pretty much assuming that is the true result, but guess we wont know for sure until the beta on Friday (10dp5dt). At least I have my four frozen, but another trip to Vegas was not exactly what I had in mind. I'll probably go back in May or June. Luckily this trip will only have to be 3 days.

Poor little blasty....why didn't you stick?!

Transferred!

One little blast was transferred today! Original plan was two, but doc thought they looked so great, he was afraid of twins...as am I! We have four frozen!!

Transfer itself was horrible! Very very full bladder, really wasn't sure I could make it! I was basically running up the table from the speculum. My bladder wasn't full enough when I came in so the filled it by cath (didn't know they could do that) .

Now I'm just waiting for Friday! Sooooo ready to go home. Could go home tomorrow but eh,not sure I want to pay the flight change fees, so I guess I'll just hang out.

Will add the pic of my blasts once I get home!

3day report

10-11 of my embs are still doing great!! We will do a 2 blast transfer on Tues!

Fertilization Report

13 mature, 13 fertilized!!!! OMG! So excited! will get my 3 day report tomorrow!

Retrieval

I had my retrieval today! 14 eggs retrieved, 11 mature! I will get the fert report tomorrow!

F U NC

All your stupid North Carolina rules, making my life so fucking difficult!!

As you may be able to figure, things are falling through with my intralipid infusion. Now I have my supplies coming tomorrow and am not sure whether I can have them administered. I'm so angry! Way to wait until the last minute to let me know there is a problem! They WILL let me know early in the AM whether I can get this done!! I swear if I have to pay $200 to get these supplies and have no one to administer them, I am going to go crazy

This is making me feel like a criminal or something...having to beg doctors, call every nurse I know, only for them all to say no...and all I want is intralipid, basically liquid food! WTF! WTF! WTF!

Gimme That Intralipid!

Persistence sure does pay off. That is possibly the number one thing infertility has taught me.

After approximately 30 phone calls, and one wasted trip to the doctor, I believe I've finally worked it out so that I can get my intralipid! and to top it off, I will get it in the comfort of my home!

Getting Ready!

Here's hoping for some luck in Vegas!

I'm so excited and also so scared of this upcoming cycle. I started my Lupron and BCP a while back and next week I will start my folli.stim, vi.agra and all sorts of other stuff. I've been having such a hard time scheduling my Intralipid infusion. Apparently there is some rule in NC about giving IVs to patients from out-of-state doctors. I asked my old RE to approve my IV, but she refused :( kinda pisses me off. I'm supposed to have the infusion next week, but still do not have it scheduled...we'll see what happens.

I've already named my embryos Henry and Ethel...I like the name Henry, but have no idea why I chose Ethel for my other embryo (the embryos that do no exist yet! lol) With my first IVF, I picked little purple flowers for my 8 fertilized embryos. I will have to do something special for the embryos I get this time as well. Will definitely be getting a few souvenirs for the babies. I would so love to have twins, have always dreamed of that since I had twin Magic Nursery Babies as a kid...unfortunately with my unicornuate, I don't think it would be responsible to keep both if they do both happen to implant. Ughh, not even gonna think about that right now.